Trouble with mom
If I had a trouble with mom growing up, it was in this area:
My mom got entangled with the daily details of running her business. She went to work around 5 am and often returned home after 8 pm. Because I was the youngest, she presumed the older kids looked out for me.
However, I was not a popular child. I tended to sulk, was moody and pretty independent. Apparently, I was also quite stubborn and not at all interested in fitting in. Imagine that ... a four-year old grumpy, loner! Anyway, the other kids tended to leave me alone.
Until I was 12, I believed that my mom had a hard life, and did not want to add to her burden. I saw her drinking as further proof of how hard her life was. After all, who would want to look so stupid if they had any choice in the matter.
I tried to stay out of the way, remain quiet, and just do my own thing. A short time after that, I began to see my mom in a different light. I got mad. Instead of excusing her behavior, I began to find a lot of fault with it. I began to see her behavior as selfish, indulgent, and irresponsible.
I refused to listen to anything she said to me. When I was 13, I got a job where I was paid under the table. I refused an allowance from my mom. Somewhere, in my head, was the belief that if I accepted her allowance, then I would be obligated to listen to her.
At the start of each school year, she always insisted on buying me new clothes. Since she insisted, I accepted. However, I made sure that I selected the cheapest clothes that I could find. I did not want to be beholden for fancy clothes and such. I did not want anything beyond what she was morally responsible to provide for me.
I guess starting to smoke at 12 was not a surprising outcome, given my anger and rebellious nature. Eventually, I lost sight of the real reasons for my anger. I just knew that I was mad at her, was not going to listen to her, and was going to make my own way in this world.
From 12+ years old to 16 years old, I made her life hell. Finally, she called my dad (they divorced when I was 5) to talk about me. She thought that maybe he could take me in and try to get me under control.
Apparently, my dad's life (since the divorce) had also been hell. He was in no position to take me in because he had a bad relationship with his second wife. Quickly, their talks moved from me as the problem child to their own lives, problems and disappointments.
They remarried immediately after my dad divorced his second wife. I was relieved. As angry as I was, I was concerned about leaving my mom alone. My cousins had moved back with their mom years earlier. My brother was married and lived far away. I felt that I might be stuck at home.
At 17, I moved away from home.
Within a few years of leaving home, the anger diminished and acceptance resulted. I realized that my mom did the best she could do under her circumstances. I always knew that she loved me. But, as a child, I wanted to be more important in her life.
My mom got entangled with the daily details of running her business. She went to work around 5 am and often returned home after 8 pm. Because I was the youngest, she presumed the older kids looked out for me.
However, I was not a popular child. I tended to sulk, was moody and pretty independent. Apparently, I was also quite stubborn and not at all interested in fitting in. Imagine that ... a four-year old grumpy, loner! Anyway, the other kids tended to leave me alone.
Until I was 12, I believed that my mom had a hard life, and did not want to add to her burden. I saw her drinking as further proof of how hard her life was. After all, who would want to look so stupid if they had any choice in the matter.
I tried to stay out of the way, remain quiet, and just do my own thing. A short time after that, I began to see my mom in a different light. I got mad. Instead of excusing her behavior, I began to find a lot of fault with it. I began to see her behavior as selfish, indulgent, and irresponsible.
I refused to listen to anything she said to me. When I was 13, I got a job where I was paid under the table. I refused an allowance from my mom. Somewhere, in my head, was the belief that if I accepted her allowance, then I would be obligated to listen to her.
At the start of each school year, she always insisted on buying me new clothes. Since she insisted, I accepted. However, I made sure that I selected the cheapest clothes that I could find. I did not want to be beholden for fancy clothes and such. I did not want anything beyond what she was morally responsible to provide for me.
I guess starting to smoke at 12 was not a surprising outcome, given my anger and rebellious nature. Eventually, I lost sight of the real reasons for my anger. I just knew that I was mad at her, was not going to listen to her, and was going to make my own way in this world.
From 12+ years old to 16 years old, I made her life hell. Finally, she called my dad (they divorced when I was 5) to talk about me. She thought that maybe he could take me in and try to get me under control.
Apparently, my dad's life (since the divorce) had also been hell. He was in no position to take me in because he had a bad relationship with his second wife. Quickly, their talks moved from me as the problem child to their own lives, problems and disappointments.
They remarried immediately after my dad divorced his second wife. I was relieved. As angry as I was, I was concerned about leaving my mom alone. My cousins had moved back with their mom years earlier. My brother was married and lived far away. I felt that I might be stuck at home.
At 17, I moved away from home.
Within a few years of leaving home, the anger diminished and acceptance resulted. I realized that my mom did the best she could do under her circumstances. I always knew that she loved me. But, as a child, I wanted to be more important in her life.
posted by MRS at
8:54 AM
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